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Sweet sixteen

Each year, 348 hot chicks vie for the title of “Hottest Chick,” and every year I pit them against each other in the greatest cat fight of them all, March Hotness.

Last year we crowned Porn Star the hottest chick, but after a rough season full of hard knocks, she enters the fracas as just a 2 seed.

REGIONAL CHICK MATCH-UPS

Help me “fill in my brackets” by voting for the hotter chicks in these match-ups.

OBVIOUS CHICKS

  • Cheerleader
    Be aggressive. B-E aggressive. B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E.

    • VS.

  • Lebanese Girl
    ‘Nuff said.
  • Porn Star
    You can’t improve on a classic. Except surgically.

    • VS.

  • Alien Chick
    She has three breasts, but she might suck your brains out your ear.

    • CLICHÉ CHICKS

  • Catholic Schoolgirl
    It’s too late for you. Make it too late for her.

    • VS.

  • Farmer’s Daughter
    The tastiest meat is 100% corn-fed.
  • High School Lacrosse Champion
    Looks great in shorts, and exploring lesbian tendencies.

    • VS.

  • Convict
    She’s trouble. Sexy trouble.

    • TABOO CHICKS

  • Freshly 18-Year-Old Girl
    Boldly go where no man has legally gone before.

    • VS.

  • Distant But Hot Cousin
    Come on. If you didn’t know, you’d totally hit that.
  • Mute Chick
    Con: No talking during. Pro: No talking afterwards.

    • VS.

  • Taller-Than-You-Chick
    She’s a supermodel… but with her, you’re just a short guy.

    • EASY CHICKS

  • Grieving Widow
    Needs you to fill the emptiness in her… life.

    • VS.

  • Funny Chick
    Never had a date for prom, and she’s not over it, either.
  • Island Native
    Approach her with a peace offering…an olive branch. In your pants.

    • VS.

  • Librarian
    Ironic twist: SHE’s long overdue.