I get emails like the following time and time again. This is for all you single girls, so pay attention:

Dear Barney:

I’ve done the bar thing. I’ve done the fix-ups. I get plenty of guys but I can’t find the guy worth having. You meet tons of girls…where do guys like you go to find them?

Ripe for the Picking

Dearest Ripe:

Obviously you already have my email address, barneystinson@yahoo.com, but perhaps you are too intimidated by my masculinity and/or celebrity blogger status to just come out and ask for what you truly want. No matter. I actually prefer not to date my readers – I just can’t stand being put on a pedestal – but I am willing to set you up with a good friend of mine, Jack Package.

Jack, like you, is looking for love… the big lug is such a romantic that I actually caught him filling out an application for that matchmaking service, Love Solutions. I talked him out of it, explaining to him that matchmakers are shameless snake-oil saleswitches who prey upon the vulnerable. But I think his application is a real window into his soul.

If Jack speaks to something deep within you, please email pictures (front and profile) to barneystinson@yahoo.com, and I’ll pass them along. Oh, and know that Jack is frequently and suddenly called out of the country by the Peace Corps, UNICEF, Doctors Without Borders, et cetera, all of which rely on his tireless efforts, so don’t take it personally if he doesn’t return calls or mysteriously vanishes. Take heart: Love will find a way.

Barney out.